Psychologists Divided on 'F*** Around and Find Out' Parenting Trend

In the past few years, a new parenting trend has emerged that is dividing experts: the "F*** Around and Find Out" (FAFO) approach. Unlike the "gentle parenting" style that influenced much of Gen Z's upbringing, FAFO emphasizes allowing children to face the natural or contrived consequences of their actions, rather than shielding them.

According to psychologist Dr. Terri Mortensen, FAFO shares traits with the well-known authoritative parenting model, but she sees it as a "spicier" version that today's society needs more of. Mortensen, who specializes in working with anxious teens and those with OCD, believes that overly permissive parenting has left many young people struggling with confidence and resilience.

In contrast, child psychologist Dr. Ross Greene argues that consequences alone rarely address the root causes of behavior. Greene, who developed the Collaborative & Proactive Solutions model, believes adults should work with kids to solve underlying problems rather than simply piling on punishments.

Both experts agree that many parents use ineffective consequences, like taking away a teen's phone for being disrespectful. Mortensen suggests having a calm, collaborative conversation to address such issues, while Greene maintains that "good parenting is noticing when your kid is having difficulty meeting an expectation and collaborating with them on figuring out what's getting in their way."

As the FAFO trend continues to gain traction, this debate highlights the ongoing tension between consequence-focused and problem-solving approaches to child-rearing.